


they turned to dust (all that i adore)

by stardustgirl



Series: Cursed AU [2]
Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: (as in like 12), Angst, Buckle in Bois it’s boutta get sad, Child Abuse, Crimson Dawn (Star Wars), Dehumanization, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Kanan Jarrus Has PTSD, Kanan Jarrus Needs Help, Kanan Jarrus Needs a Hug, Kanan Jarrus-centric, Kanan is tiny, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slavery, Spice, The Force, Underage Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-10-13 22:23:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20590064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardustgirl/pseuds/stardustgirl
Summary: Kanan is forced to relive memories he nearly forgot existed when Maul asks him a question.





	they turned to dust (all that i adore)

**Author's Note:**

> Title from “Things We Lost in the Fire” by Bastille.
> 
> TW: Child abuse, Asphyxiation (via the Force), Referenced Drug Use by a Minor (Non-Consensual), Dehumanization

Kanan stepped inside the door, moving to palm it closed behind him. When it didn’t do anything, he blinked in surprise, trying once more before looking at Maul over the desk.

“Your hand isn’t keyed to it,” the man said without looking up. “I’ll close it from here.” The boy jumped when it slid closed at a mere tap of Maul’s finger. Swallowing, he dropped his gaze to the floor and kept his hands still at his sides and waited for an order.

“Come closer.”

He obeyed, stopping a couple of feet from the desk and keeping his gaze down.

“What’s your number?”

“BTCOR-776584958, sir,” he answered quietly, eyes remaining trained on the ground. His master nodded.

“Good.” The man’s eyes still didn’t lift from the datapad he was reading from. Kanan liked it better that way. A master’s full attention meant he was in trouble.

Finally, his master looked up, studying him impassively.

“How long did you test drugs?”

“Several– several years, sir.”

“_How long?_”

Kanan flinched automatically at the tone, ducking his head and hunching his shoulders. “I- I’m not sure, sir, I’m not sure how long it’s been, since I was with the Crevers Cartel at least—“

“No more.” His Master raised a hand, gaze dropping to the datapad again as Kanan fell silent. “Useless,” he muttered, barely loud enough for Kanan to hear.

Kanan stopped himself from flinching that time.

It was several more minutes before Maul spoke again.

“Four.”

Kanan wanted to ask.

He knew he wouldn’t be allowed.

So he didn’t.

Maul looked up at him. “You’ve been testing drugs for four years. Am I wrong? You don’t need words.”

Kanan shook his head. He wasn’t sure, in all honesty, whether it had been four years or forty, but four was the number his master said, so four was good enough for him.

“You were captured at four. Am I wrong?”

Kanan shook his head again, though he still didn’t know for sure.

He saw flashes of color, felt the grips of men on his arms, heard sobs he couldn’t place.

He ignored them.

“Do you know what the Force is, boy?”

Kanan blinked and looked up. He needed to speak, to answer, because if he couldn’t answer he couldn’t obey and then he would get in trouble and he would be punished and—

“Calm _ down, _ boy,” Maul snapped. Kanan jumped but nodded. “You may speak.”

Swallowing, Kanan spoke.

“I– I’ve heard it, I’ve heard of it before, sir, but I don’t...I can’t remember _ where, _ sir.”

Maul nodded. “Are you _ sure? _”

_ “The Force is always with you, and….” _

_ “...Force will be with….” _

_ “Always trust in the Force….” _

Kanan yelped, and it took him a moment to realize he was curled up on the floor, shaking. He blinked, staring up at Maul with wide, frightened eyes, the Zabrak now towering over him.

“What– what did you do to me?” he whispered. His master continued to approach and Kanan whimpered involuntarily, making a weak attempt to try and move away. “Get away from me!”

It happened too fast for Kanan to comprehend it.

One moment he was on the ground, the next he was being shoved up against the wall, an unseen grip tight around his windpipe. Kanan choked, gasping for breath as his master approached with an outstretched hand.

“_This,_” he growled, “is the Force.”

Kanan blacked out.


End file.
